January 14, 2004

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Palo Alto Online

Getting to the goal

by Jocelyn Dong

When it comes to keeping New Year's resolutions, willpower is out -- "juice" is in. At least, that's what local behavior experts say.

People who tap their inner motivation (or "juice" as one professional termed it) and practice a few self-management techniques will be far more effective in changing their behavior than those relying on a burst of enthusiasm and elusive willpower.

At a time when only one out of 10 Americans stick to their health-related resolutions, according to a recent Kaiser Permanente poll, a new perspective could be just what the psychotherapist ordered. Imagine scores of adults hitting the gym, faithfully tracking their finances or devouring the literature classics each month.

The Weekly asked Jane Rothstein, LCSW, a licensed psychotherapist with the Stanford Health Improvement Program; Gwen Fuller, CPCC, a Menlo Park life coach who helps clients achieve their goals; and Diana Turner, senior director of health and fitness for the Palo Alto Family YMCA, for their advice on how people can stick to their resolutions. Here's what they had to say.

Find the juice. The best motivation arises from within a person, Fuller said. As a life coach, she asks clients what they truly want to accomplish, not what they feel they "should" do.

"If (your goal) doesn't bring its own innate juice, it's not going to stick," said Fuller, who defines "juice" as the things in life a person loves, feels passionately about and makes them smile.

After clients identify those values, Fuller asks them to visualize success. A woman who wants to lose weight, for example, might picture herself in a gorgeous dress and imagine how she feels about herself.

Fuller also has her clients choose a physical representation of the vision, as a reminder. The woman on a diet might buy herself a pair of sexy underwear to hold out as symbol of the juice.

Set reasonable steps. A lack of willpower, Rothstein said, is "just about 100 percent not the problem" when people fail to stick to their resolutions. More often, the trouble is that people don't break their goals down to do-able steps.

"What I find often is that people set grandiose goals that sound good and get them excited, but they're out of the realm of possibility. When they try to implement the goals they understandably don't meet them. They end up discouraged and conclude they're a failure," Rothstein said.

Instead, it's better to assess where you're starting from and plan a small first step. A couch potato determined to get in shape should initially workout or take a walk once a week, not expect to become a gym rat overnight.

"If you get the goal chunked down to something manageable, that makes a big difference," Rothstein said.

With reasonable steps, you'll experience a frequent sense of accomplishment, instead of an unending quest for a lofty goal. Encouraged by success, it will be easier to practice the new behavior, which will lead to the formation of a habit.

Tackle roadblocks before they happen. "I tell people to be as specific as possible about what they're going to do and to explore obstacles ahead of time," Rothstein said.

Adding a new activity means figuring out how it will impact one's overall schedule. Is the gym readily accessible? If it's not, do you have time to drive there and back? Does a child need to be picked up at the same you were planning to workout?

Launching new activities can be exciting, but many people don't have room in their schedules to carry them out. In order to add something new, they need to give up something old. That means saying "no" to others' requests if they aren't a priority.

Whatever problem comes up must be solved, not just expected to go away. It's better to trouble-shoot in advance rather than waiting to see what conflicts arise.

Be your own kinder, gentler coach. Just as with kids, adults need to show themselves understanding and compassion when they slip up.

"The part of you that wants you to do a better job with the goal has to be gentle with the part that's resistant," Rothstein said. "To get in with the whip and talk to yourself in a pushy, judgmental way doesn't really get the job done."

Instead, she said, adults should ask themselves what they're ready for, as a nurturing parent would.

"Go in and assume that (resistant) part means well, not that it's a wimpy part. I think the masochistic ways to get ourselves motivated work in the short term but not in the long run," Rothstein said.

When the going gets tough, have fun. So what about the times when working on a goal just fails to inspire? Balancing a checkbook may be part of staying in good financial shape, but many people don't find it inherently enjoyable.

According to Fuller, that's the time to "find the compelling way" to get it done. She related it, not surprisingly, to finding some juice.

Fuller dislikes paying bills, so she puts on tango music and pours a glass of champagne to motivate herself.

"Own it. Be creative. Allow yourself to have fun," Fuller said.

Love thyself. People who think positively about themselves are able to sustain change better than those who are motivated by low self-esteem.

The YMCA's Turner, who teaches an exercise class called W.O.W. -- Workout & Weight Loss -- lectures her students on the importance of self-empowerment to success. Those who accept who they are and see weight loss as a way to better themselves (not to make themselves "OK") are more motivated.

She asks students to dig deeply for the reasons why they overeat, such as using food for emotional comfort, so they can address them. She also leads her class through an exercise in which they identify their positive qualities, thinking about what other people like about them, for example. She also encourages class members to keep a diary or write a love letter to themselves.

In the end, noted Rothstein, who occasionally teaches a class called "Walking the Talk," people need to get out of the "knowledge" zone and take action to reach their goals.

In Silicon Valley, she said, "learning to set priorities and achieving them is the $60 million question." To contact these experts, call Fuller at (650) 854-8539; Rothstein at (650) 498-4744; and Turner at (650) 856-9622. Jocelyn Dong can be e-mailed at jdong@paweekly.com

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